What I Saw as an N.F.L. Ball Boy

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Rambition

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What I Saw as an N.F.L. Ball Boy
By ERIC KESTER
OCT. 10, 2014​

WITH each new arrest of a National Football League star, I’ve joined our collective finger-wagging at the league and its players, all while repressing a gnawing guilt: As a 17-year-old ball boy for the 2003 Chicago Bears, I helped players achieve heights of on-field violence so brutal that off-field aftershocks were all but inevitable.

Spend an extended period of time behind the N.F.L. curtain, as I did, see eerily subdued postgame locker rooms filled with vacant stares and hear anguished screams echoing from the training room, and you’ll understand how the physical and emotional toll these players endure is devastating enough to erode the morality of a good man or exacerbate the evils of a bad one.

This is not to say players who commit crimes deserve even a little exoneration. But what they and all N.F.L. players do deserve — and need — are improved resources to help them cope with the debilitating consequences of on-field ferocity.

I lay awake at night wondering how many lives were irreparably damaged by my most handy ball boy tool: smelling salts. On game days my pockets were always full of these tiny ammonia stimulants that, when sniffed, can trick a brain into a state of alertness. After almost every crowd-pleasing hit, a player would stagger off the field, steady himself the best he could, sometimes vomit a little, and tilt his head to the sky. Then, with eyes squeezed shut in pain, he’d scream “Eric!” and I’d dash over and say, “It’s O.K., I’m right here, got just what you need.”

A sniff of my salts would revive the player in alertness only, and he would run back onto the field to once again collide with opponents with the force of a high-speed car crash. As fans high-fived and hell-yeahed and checked the progress of their fantasy teams, and as I eagerly scrambled onto the field to pick up shattered fragments from exploded helmets, researchers were discovering the rotting black splotches of brain tissue that indicate chronic traumatic encephalopathy. Known as C.T.E., this degenerative disease is the result of players’ enduring head trauma again and again. Symptoms include dementia and extreme aggression, and C.T.E. is considered at least partly responsible for the string of recent suicides of former and current N.F.L. players, whose anger, sadness and violence eventually collapsed inward.

Cameramen know not to show players sniffing salts, and I participated in similar acts of cover-up. One of my jobs was sorting through postgame laundry. Cleaner uniforms would be set aside for football card companies to purchase for their line of “game-used inserts.” Dirty uniforms, meanwhile, like all the girdles filled with blood and feces because some hits are savage enough to overpower the central nervous system, I’d put in a special bin for disposal.

At one morning practice a player asked me, the smell of liquor on his breath, to run to the locker room and get him some mint gum. For weeks there had been reports that he was going to be released. When I brought the gum to him, he asked me to unwrap it because his fingers were too mangled for fine motor skills. I was later surprised to learn how many players had been arrested on suspicion of drunken driving and public intoxication (according to a USA Today database, since 2000 there have been 237 alcohol-related arrests, nearly three times more than the next most frequent charge, assault and battery).

I’m not recounting these stories to raise sympathy for player-criminals, but to spread awareness that the well of N.F.L. violence is drawing water from more sources than you may realize.

So what do we do, those of us who are appalled by the run of domestic violence, saddened by the brain injuries and utterly in love with the sport of football? Because it is a wonderful game most of the time, and while the big hits do draw millions, we are just as enthralled by the drama of a goal-line stand, the beauty of a perfectly choreographed pass completion, the freakish athleticism of men who represent the pinnacle of human physiology.

We can start by having this conversation about the emotional health of players, and having it frequently enough that the N.F.L. has to start listening, just as it did in 2011 when frenzied media coverage of head injuries forced the league to adopt safer concussion protocols. The N.F.L. can provide its players with more and better mental health resources, and it’s time fans start demanding that it do so.

There are those who would solve the problem by abolishing football altogether. But that would only further ignore the needs of the millions of football players, from youth leaguers to professionals, who rely on the game as a source of healthy emotional fulfillment. It was no different for me: Even with what I witnessed as a ball boy, I still decided to play college football. That decision left me with a permanently damaged knee, but I don’t regret having played. I know the game, during its best moments, is built upon core tenets of courage, perseverance, teamwork and, most of all, sacrifice.

The hope of every football fan is that by mitigating the emotional toll endured by some players, we can not only reduce violent aftershocks — our primary goal — but also save the N.F.L. from slipping further into a downward spiral. Otherwise we might lose football altogether, and with it our weekly chance to put up our feet and forget, for a few exhilarating hours, our own pain and hardship.

Eric Kester, the author of “That Book About Harvard,” is writing a book about his experience as an N.F.L. ball boy.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/11/opinion/what-i-saw-as-an-nfl-ball-boy.html?ref=sports&_r=2
 

RamzFanz

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Good read.

I need someone to bring me smelling salts sometimes when my wife is on the rag. Just sayin'.
 

mr.stlouis

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That's incredible. It was a much different game back in 2003. They hit high, no receiver was "defenseless," and it was a better game to watch in some ways. Stories like that are why we have all the new rules, helmets, and flags for hits. Pretty incredible what these guys go through.
 

Elmgrovegnome

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I have never seen a shattered helmet. I think this may be a bit embellished. The author makes it seem like every football player is going through this torture. Tory and Ike never seemed that messed up. Neither did Marhsall or Kurt and Kurt took a beating with the Rams. I dont buy that this piece is all that accurate. Maybe he had to use smelling salts a few times a game but how many slobberknocking hits do we see? Even in 2003?

Plus what are we to do? Not watch the game so the NFL fails? Sure we can try to make them more aware that the fans are aware but they make the rules and only litigation seems to be able to spark serious changes. There will always be men that love to play the game. Right now my 7 year old son is one of them. If he grows to be big and fast enough to make it to the NFL I am sure he would pursue it, despite the risks.

I chose to be a landscape architect. Instead of just sitting at a desk designing, I also liked to install my designs. I am 47 and have a myriad of injuries related to doing a physical job. I have chronic tendonitis in both elbows, I mysteriously get tendonitis in other parts of my body easily. I am currently nursing a torn meniscus from kneeling while planting and laying bricks. I have had foot injuries, knee injuries, my hips ache every night, my back has gone out in three places and I now I have weaknesses that get reinjured a couple times a year. I have had numbness in my fingers and feet. etc,..... Sure I dont have severe head trauma but if I had known that I would have these problems down the road, when I was 23 and starting out I believe I would not have done any of it differently. Many people warned me over the years and I shrugged it off. Heck I would even work out three nights a week after work, ran trails up mountains, and one of my hobbies was fossil hunting where I used a pick and 40 lb bar to dig all day. I did it all because I loved it. Football players are the same way, plus there are many more benefits that come with it, like millions of dollars, prestige, popularity, security.

When I read the title I thought this piece was going to be about all the naked balls the guy saw in the locker room. It might as well have been IMO.
 

Pancake

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I have never seen a shattered helmet. I think this may be a bit embellished. The author makes it seem like every football player is going through this torture. Tory and Ike never seemed that messed up. Neither did Marhsall or Kurt and Kurt took a beating with the Rams. I dont buy that this piece is all that accurate. Maybe he had to use smelling salts a few times a game but how many slobberknocking hits do we see? Even in 2003?

Plus what are we to do? Not watch the game so the NFL fails? Sure we can try to make them more aware that the fans are aware but they make the rules and only litigation seems to be able to spark serious changes. There will always be men that love to play the game. Right now my 7 year old son is one of them. If he grows to be big and fast enough to make it to the NFL I am sure he would pursue it, despite the risks.

I chose to be a landscape architect. Instead of just sitting at a desk designing, I also liked to install my designs. I am 47 and have a myriad of injuries related to doing a physical job. I have chronic tendonitis in both elbows, I mysteriously get tendonitis in other parts of my body easily. I am currently nursing a torn meniscus from kneeling while planting and laying bricks. I have had foot injuries, knee injuries, my hips ache every night, my back has gone out in three places and I now I have weaknesses that get reinjured a couple times a year. I have had numbness in my fingers and feet. etc,..... Sure I dont have severe head trauma but if I had known that I would have these problems down the road, when I was 23 and starting out I believe I would not have done any of it differently. Many people warned me over the years and I shrugged it off. Heck I would even work out three nights a week after work, ran trails up mountains, and one of my hobbies was fossil hunting where I used a pick and 40 lb bar to dig all day. I did it all because I loved it. Football players are the same way, plus there are many more benefits that come with it, like millions of dollars, prestige, popularity, security.

When I read the title I thought this piece was going to be about all the naked balls the guy saw in the locker room. It might as well have been IMO.

Of course you have those problems. Look how old you are.

Just kidding I follow your point and agree. I wouldn't have changed anything either.
 

jrry32

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I have never seen a shattered helmet. I think this may be a bit embellished. The author makes it seem like every football player is going through this torture. Tory and Ike never seemed that messed up. Neither did Marhsall or Kurt and Kurt took a beating with the Rams. I dont buy that this piece is all that accurate. Maybe he had to use smelling salts a few times a game but how many slobberknocking hits do we see? Even in 2003?

Plus what are we to do? Not watch the game so the NFL fails? Sure we can try to make them more aware that the fans are aware but they make the rules and only litigation seems to be able to spark serious changes. There will always be men that love to play the game. Right now my 7 year old son is one of them. If he grows to be big and fast enough to make it to the NFL I am sure he would pursue it, despite the risks.

I chose to be a landscape architect. Instead of just sitting at a desk designing, I also liked to install my designs. I am 47 and have a myriad of injuries related to doing a physical job. I have chronic tendonitis in both elbows, I mysteriously get tendonitis in other parts of my body easily. I am currently nursing a torn meniscus from kneeling while planting and laying bricks. I have had foot injuries, knee injuries, my hips ache every night, my back has gone out in three places and I now I have weaknesses that get reinjured a couple times a year. I have had numbness in my fingers and feet. etc,..... Sure I dont have severe head trauma but if I had known that I would have these problems down the road, when I was 23 and starting out I believe I would not have done any of it differently. Many people warned me over the years and I shrugged it off. Heck I would even work out three nights a week after work, ran trails up mountains, and one of my hobbies was fossil hunting where I used a pick and 40 lb bar to dig all day. I did it all because I loved it. Football players are the same way, plus there are many more benefits that come with it, like millions of dollars, prestige, popularity, security.

When I read the title I thought this piece was going to be about all the naked balls the guy saw in the locker room. It might as well have been IMO.

Have you seen Holt's finger? I bet Ike and Marshall are pretty beat up too.

I don't recall any exploded helmets though. That seems like an embellishment. Although I have certainly seen cracked helmets from hits.
 

DR RAM

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Good read.

I need someone to bring me smelling salts sometimes when my wife is on the rag. Just sayin'.
I hope your wife doesn't have your password, or you might need some cortisone shots too.;)
 

Rambition

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I have never seen a shattered helmet. I think this may be a bit embellished. The author makes it seem like every football player is going through this torture. Tory and Ike never seemed that messed up. Neither did Marhsall or Kurt and Kurt took a beating with the Rams. I dont buy that this piece is all that accurate. Maybe he had to use smelling salts a few times a game but how many slobberknocking hits do we see? Even in 2003?

Plus what are we to do? Not watch the game so the NFL fails? Sure we can try to make them more aware that the fans are aware but they make the rules and only litigation seems to be able to spark serious changes. There will always be men that love to play the game. Right now my 7 year old son is one of them. If he grows to be big and fast enough to make it to the NFL I am sure he would pursue it, despite the risks.

I chose to be a landscape architect. Instead of just sitting at a desk designing, I also liked to install my designs. I am 47 and have a myriad of injuries related to doing a physical job. I have chronic tendonitis in both elbows, I mysteriously get tendonitis in other parts of my body easily. I am currently nursing a torn meniscus from kneeling while planting and laying bricks. I have had foot injuries, knee injuries, my hips ache every night, my back has gone out in three places and I now I have weaknesses that get reinjured a couple times a year. I have had numbness in my fingers and feet. etc,..... Sure I dont have severe head trauma but if I had known that I would have these problems down the road, when I was 23 and starting out I believe I would not have done any of it differently. Many people warned me over the years and I shrugged it off. Heck I would even work out three nights a week after work, ran trails up mountains, and one of my hobbies was fossil hunting where I used a pick and 40 lb bar to dig all day. I did it all because I loved it. Football players are the same way, plus there are many more benefits that come with it, like millions of dollars, prestige, popularity, security.

When I read the title I thought this piece was going to be about all the naked balls the guy saw in the locker room. It might as well have been IMO.
ok...

maybe there was some embellishment...i can't say. but i seriously doubt that at least some of this stuff isn't true.

kester doesn't want the game to end or you to stop watching and enjoying it. he does want people to know the fuller implications of the carefully presented product we see every sunday (or monday or thursday), and to support making the game safer and the post-football lives of the players a little better.
 
Last edited:

mr.stlouis

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I have never seen a shattered helmet. I think this may be a bit embellished. The author makes it seem like every football player is going through this torture. Tory and Ike never seemed that messed up. Neither did Marhsall or Kurt and Kurt took a beating with the Rams. I dont buy that this piece is all that accurate. Maybe he had to use smelling salts a few times a game but how many slobberknocking hits do we see? Even in 2003?

Plus what are we to do? Not watch the game so the NFL fails? Sure we can try to make them more aware that the fans are aware but they make the rules and only litigation seems to be able to spark serious changes. There will always be men that love to play the game. Right now my 7 year old son is one of them. If he grows to be big and fast enough to make it to the NFL I am sure he would pursue it, despite the risks.

I chose to be a landscape architect. Instead of just sitting at a desk designing, I also liked to install my designs. I am 47 and have a myriad of injuries related to doing a physical job. I have chronic tendonitis in both elbows, I mysteriously get tendonitis in other parts of my body easily. I am currently nursing a torn meniscus from kneeling while planting and laying bricks. I have had foot injuries, knee injuries, my hips ache every night, my back has gone out in three places and I now I have weaknesses that get reinjured a couple times a year. I have had numbness in my fingers and feet. etc,..... Sure I dont have severe head trauma but if I had known that I would have these problems down the road, when I was 23 and starting out I believe I would not have done any of it differently. Many people warned me over the years and I shrugged it off. Heck I would even work out three nights a week after work, ran trails up mountains, and one of my hobbies was fossil hunting where I used a pick and 40 lb bar to dig all day. I did it all because I loved it. Football players are the same way, plus there are many more benefits that come with it, like millions of dollars, prestige, popularity, security.

When I read the title I thought this piece was going to be about all the naked balls the guy saw in the locker room. It might as well have been IMO.

I think you're onto something. I think this game is exactly what we think it is.
 

jrry32

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ok...

maybe there was some embellishment...i can't say. but i seriously doubt that at least some of this stuff isn't true.

kester doesn't want the game to end or you to stop watching and enjoying it. he does want people to know the fuller implications of the carefully presented product we see every sunday (or monday or thursday), and to support making the game safer and the post-football lives of the players a little better.

The game will never be safe and still remain that same game.
 

Memento

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The game will never be safe and still remain that same game.

True...but that means that the league should help the former players who are struggling to do every day things because of the beating they took while they were in the league. When I see the suicides, the dementia, the physical trauma, and the fact that the NFL does literally nothing to help them out, it makes me furious. It's unforgivable, in my opinion, to leave them out in the cold to deal with their problems on their own.
 

LetsGoRams

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If you ever get a chance to go down close to the field and watch some of an NFL game - it's mind blowing. You can never, ever realize the brutality, the speed, the hits and just the amount of punishment these guys deliver and take. I played football when I was younger and yea, you took and gave some big hits, but the first time I was down close to the field for an NFL game (not hard in recent years at Rams games) I was absolutely blown away by it. The speed, the sounds. I can see how these guys have the injuries they do for the rest of their lives and surprised there's not more.
 

Ramhusker

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Have you seen Holt's finger? I bet Ike and Marshall are pretty beat up too.

I don't recall any exploded helmets though. That seems like an embellishment. Although I have certainly seen cracked helmets from hits.
I had a friend that played MLB in DII football back in the early 80s and broke quite a few helmets. This was also back when roids were all the rage. So it might not be too big of an embellishment.
 

jrry32

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I had a friend that played MLB in DII football back in the early 80s and broke quite a few helmets. This was also back when roids were all the rage. So it might not be too big of an embellishment.

True. Helmets might have changed since 2003. I just don't remember any helmets recently "exploding" on the field. I've seen plenty of cracked helmets but never one that exploded.
 

fearsomefour

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That's incredible. It was a much different game back in 2003. They hit high, no receiver was "defenseless," and it was a better game to watch in some ways. Stories like that are why we have all the new rules, helmets, and flags for hits. Pretty incredible what these guys go through.
Rewatching the 99 Superbowl recently it is amazing how many hits on Warner would now be penalties. Hit late, hit high, hit low....nearly every one.
 

Selassie I

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Back in my Pop Warner and High School days... We had smelling salts.

Could that be my problem? I'm calling my local ambulance chaser right away.