RAmily, I need advice. Desperately.

[Angry Ram]

All, I have been reading your advice and I'm slowly but surely implementing them.

I'm just a 21-year-old stranger on the internet. What I believe doesn't carry much weight as the other members of this forum, but given the situation you are in, and the advice given in this forum already, I would quit.

Immediately.

Don't give them a two weeks notice. Your mental health is being seriously endangered by your boss and you're in an unsafe working environment. You've tried all the options - the HR department, counseling, advice from family - and it just didn't work out. It's unfortunate, but this stuff happens.
(Also, you don't have to act nice to those assholes, but do walk out like a professional. Be the bigger man in this fight.)

Edit: I respect your decision not to quit. I can understand not wanting to leave if you truly enjoy your work. I like the idea that @bnw said about privately documenting conversations. Hopefully, she'll run into some trouble and then you'd have the evidence to back it up.
Best of luck, @Angry Ram.

Can't do that man. I have too much invested in moving and starting to live on my own. However, I am treating this has a well-paid training job now.

However, have you attempted to sit down with your manager and talk all of this out? If you haven't, schedule a time, meet with her, explain everything that is making you miserable (including her treatment of you), and see if she is willing to level with you.

If that does not work, I'd go over her head. Have a meeting with a superior, explain what's happening, explain that it's not working, give them a solution for how things can function better, and make it clear that you value your job and want to be successful there.

Yes I have, and she does this DURING the meeting. In fact of it was her idea to have these meetings. Next time I will not be humiliated in front of others.

But I do want to share this since you brought up meetings: the first time she asked me to send her any information that will be mailed off to a regulatory agency review. OK, fine. Then, last week we got a request for some information from one regulatory agency. She started asking me questions, and I happened to overlook a couple items. Her words: "I need you to read these letters, and now you're relying on me to complete these." But isn't that the whole point of a review in the first place? To make sure everything is correct?

Next week is going to be a bit more hell. I am coordinating with a genuine good person, who happens to be a 3rd party vendor. HE lives and breathes his service and knows his field like the back of his hand. My boss is having none of it, and in the meeting it will be interesting to see her response.

 

[Angry Ram]

Update: got belittled again today. It was the tipping point, and I'm finishing documenting my time at this place. I will be taking this to HR.

 

[…..]

Do your research now, I saw someone mention Indeed.com Get yourself into the mindset of moving on, while protecting your current situation. Its much easier to find a job while you have a job. You can even get all freaky and explain just how content you are in your current employment while you're interviewing and playing it off like they need you, rather than the other way around.

The best job offer I ever got was when I very content where I already was and played the whole inteview process very casually, even to the point of...when replying to the question "If you get this job, what is the first thing you would do?" My answer? "I would identify the one guy that is going to help me figure out how the place runs, then get a cup of coffee." Bam....that answer got me a 2nd interview. That was 7 years ago and I'm still here, senior in my department,

Even though the above is true....I have part 2 to my answer....

Grow the fuck up, reach out and find a way to earn some respect from that bitch. I'm surprised no one has taken this approach with you yet. You are clearly not respected for any number of invalid or valid reasons. Those reasons and thier validity are not important. Avoid her like the plague, give her the cold sholder, make her come to you, approach her only when there are no others in the area to feed her need to belittle you in public. Figure out what makes her tick, satisfy it, get the respect. You will always be miserable unless you get that. No matter what else happens, unless you get that, the rest is pointless.

 

[bluecoconuts]

Document everything, if you have a conversation in person sent an email "as per our conversation, blah blah blah" and go to HR.

Oh, and if you feel like they're going to fire you for it, lawyer up.

Go over her head if you need, go to her bosses, they don't want to deal with that shit, they have their own issues, so if the person they put in charge sucks, they will need to address it so they don't need to deal with it again. If she wants to make you look bad, make her look bad right back.

I don't do well in corporate settings though, my last meeting included me saying "that's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard, not happening" so I don't give the best advice... But that shit didn't happen either.

 

[Angry Ram]

Update: 5/11/17

Got belittled again. This time in front of a third party guest. Granted, he wasn't a high level guest, he owns a company that hauls off industrial waste but man it was embarrassing. This person after the meeting, took me off to the side in a private room and told me that you're going through a shitstorm. He noticed immediately that she is treating me not like a professional, but as an idiot. He said it isn't right they are dumping everything on you and expecting me that I be an expert on it with no training.

Too bad this didn't happen yesterday, because as following @bluecoconuts and others' advice, I went to the senior VP, also my boss' boss. She did seem to sympathize with me saying that my boss doesn't realize that I'm not an expert yet. I discussed transferring, she said it's an option but at the same time think about this: I'm the only person in this massive corporation that is in my field. So transfer, sure but we'll have to find another guy in my field. So what I'm doing is a premium position, but still not worth being treated like garbage.

 

[bluecoconuts]

Update: 5/11/17

Got belittled again. This time in front of a third party guest. Granted, he wasn't a high level guest, he owns a company that hauls off industrial waste but man it was embarrassing. This person after the meeting, took me off to the side in a private room and told me that you're going through a shitstorm. He noticed immediately that she is treating me not like a professional, but as an idiot. He said it isn't right they are dumping everything on you and expecting me that I be an expert on it with no training.

Too bad this didn't happen yesterday, because as following @bluecoconuts and others' advice, I went to the senior VP, also my boss' boss. She did seem to sympathize with me saying that my boss doesn't realize that I'm not an expert yet. I discussed transferring, she said it's an option but at the same time think about this: I'm the only person in this massive corporation that is in my field. So transfer, sure but we'll have to find another guy in my field. So what I'm doing is a premium position, but still not worth being treated like garbage.

Is it feasible to that the guest would have positions that you are suited for in his company? If he noticed it, he may be willing to offer employment, especially if he believes that you would be grateful/loyal for being able to leave your current situation? Just food for thought.

 

[bnw]

Update: 5/11/17

Got belittled again. This time in front of a third party guest. Granted, he wasn't a high level guest, he owns a company that hauls off industrial waste but man it was embarrassing. This person after the meeting, took me off to the side in a private room and told me that you're going through a shitstorm. He noticed immediately that she is treating me not like a professional, but as an idiot. He said it isn't right they are dumping everything on you and expecting me that I be an expert on it with no training.

Too bad this didn't happen yesterday, because as following @bluecoconuts and others' advice, I went to the senior VP, also my boss' boss. She did seem to sympathize with me saying that my boss doesn't realize that I'm not an expert yet. I discussed transferring, she said it's an option but at the same time think about this: I'm the only person in this massive corporation that is in my field. So transfer, sure but we'll have to find another guy in my field. So what I'm doing is a premium position, but still not worth being treated like garbage.

Perhaps you should consider bringing this latest occurrence to the attention of the senior VP as your boss is not projecting the best image of your company to clients by belittling their in-house resource (that is you) in front of clients. That effects the bottom line. Doesn't matter if it is true......it is unprofessional and counterproductive on multiple fronts. It is the restaurant equivalent of a waiter shitting on a plate served to a customer while blaming the busboy.

OK that is the professional tact. Now for the human tact that many times can trump everything else. Is she hot? Could she be banging someone in upper management? Is she related to someone in upper management or major stockholder? Do you know of any reason why her behavior would be tolerated by upper management?

It's possible she was informed of your talk with the senior VP and she is that unstable as to continue with the behavior in a very inappropriate setting.

It is obvious you are not being treated as if you are in a "premium position". Good luck.

 

[Angry Ram]

Is it feasible to that the guest would have positions that you are suited for in his company? If he noticed it, he may be willing to offer employment, especially if he believes that you would be grateful/loyal for being able to leave your current situation? Just food for thought.

Probably not, because he is fully staffed and have things going for him.

Perhaps you should consider bringing this latest occurrence to the attention of the senior VP as your boss is not projecting the best image of your company to clients by belittling their in-house resource (that is you) in front of clients. That effects the bottom line. Doesn't matter if it is true......it is unprofessional and counterproductive on multiple fronts. It is the restaurant equivalent of a waiter crapping on a plate served to a customer while blaming the busboy.

OK that is the professional tact. Now for the human tact that many times can trump everything else. Is she hot? Could she be banging someone in upper management? Is she related to someone in upper management or major stockholder? Do you know of any reason why her behavior would be tolerated by upper management?

It's possible she was informed of your talk with the senior VP and she is that unstable as to continue with the behavior in a very inappropriate setting.

It is obvious you are not being treated as if you are in a "premium position". Good luck.

No, she isn't attractive. Jabba.

The SVP will meet with her this week. Hopefully things work out. But, so far she hasn't talked to me once this week. Which is fine by me.

 

[Loyal]

AngryRam, you may have your answer already, if so, forget this. As for me, when I have been berated by a boss, I stopped the conversation and nodded towards an empty room. Once there, I've told my boss that if you want me to change how I do things, then please instruct me. But never do that to me in public again. It worked for me, but it might piss your director off, I don't know. If she fires you for it, then that's on her. As far as I know, former employers are only able to give beginning and ending dates of employment, or they could be sued. Sorry about your situation, it's a horrible thing feeling trapped in a job you hate. Hope you find something soon.

 

[Deadstock]

I would also update the resume, get your stuff together and find another job to slide into and then break it off with them. It's not worth it like many are saying and you seem to do more work than a lot of people while being berated. Best of luck to you!

 

[Angry Ram]

Well, got fired. Fortunately my family and I have been preparing for it.

I'm not even mad. A huge load of stress has been released. Kinda like taking a huge dump. I'm gonna miss all my co workers. They have been messaging me all morning saying how sorry they were and how I wasn't treated right. Well maybe my firing will cause change, IDK.

Now THEY have to do more work, which is doubled because tomorrow my former co-worker is gonna step down for the same reasons. Don't even feel sorry them. I know I did a great job and will know it once the work load piles up. Then a third person who is disgruntled will quit. No sympathysympathy.

 

[bnw]

Well, got fired. Fortunately my family and I have been preparing for it.

I'm not even mad. A huge load of stress has been released. Kinda like taking a huge dump. I'm gonna miss all my co workers. They have been messaging me all morning saying how sorry they were and how I wasn't treated right. Well maybe my firing will cause change, IDK.

Now THEY have to do more work, which is doubled because tomorrow my former co-worker is gonna step down for the same reasons. Don't even feel sorry them. I know I did a great job and will know it once the work load piles up. Then a third person who is disgruntled will quit. No sympathysympathy.

The good news is you are out of there. I wish you the best of luck in your new beginning.

 

[1maGoh]

Good luck man. I hope things work out for you.

 

[fearsomefour]

Well, got fired. Fortunately my family and I have been preparing for it.

I'm not even mad. A huge load of stress has been released. Kinda like taking a huge dump. I'm gonna miss all my co workers. They have been messaging me all morning saying how sorry they were and how I wasn't treated right. Well maybe my firing will cause change, IDK.

Now THEY have to do more work, which is doubled because tomorrow my former co-worker is gonna step down for the same reasons. Don't even feel sorry them. I know I did a great job and will know it once the work load piles up. Then a third person who is disgruntled will quit. No sympathysympathy.

Hell, your not even a grown up till you get fired.

 

[bnw]

Hell, your not even a grown up till you get fired.

That and until you get arrested and have to make bail.

 

[RamFan503]

@Angry Ram - You are still young. I have changed careers a few times in my life and have worked for some absolute dickheads as bosses and some pretty great ones. When I was around 40, I took a job completely outside of my wheelhouse as well as something I thought I'd never like doing. It ended up being one of the best jobs I ever had. I later took a job for a company I thought I'd like better and it was a mistake. I then changed careers again. Bottom line is that sometimes the grass truly is greener and though change may be scary or even something you think you don't want, it can often be just what the doctor ordered. Don't pigeon hole yourself. Sometimes, you are not the best employee or in the best situation for you simply because you have narrowed your sights too much.

Good luck man.

 

[Angry Ram]

@Angry Ram - You are still young. I have changed careers a few times in my life and have worked for some absolute dickheads as bosses and some pretty great ones. When I was around 40, I took a job completely outside of my wheelhouse as well as something I thought I'd never like doing. It ended up being one of the best jobs I ever had. I later took a job for a company I thought I'd like better and it was a mistake. I then changed careers again. Bottom line is that sometimes the grass truly is greener and though change may be scary or even something you think you don't want, it can often be just what the doctor ordered. Don't pigeon hole yourself. Sometimes, you are not the best employee or in the best situation for you simply because you have narrowed your sights too much.

Good luck man.

Thank you, Stu.

I've still been getting messages and texts from my former co-workers that I sat around with. I even met one of the other directors at a cell phone store today. They all think I was treated like shit, and they having my back has been emotionally overwhelming.

 

[LesBaker]

Do yourself a favor.

Send an email to her boss detailing everything. Save screen shots from coworkers but blur the numbers and send them so they can se it's her not you.

I'd even fire a nasty shot like "if you are willing to terminate her or move her out of her current position to a different department I would welcome discussion about coming back to work. As you can see by these screen shots the problem wasn't me".

Drop that bomb.

 

[dieterbrock]

Hopefully you've documented all these occurrences and times you spoke to others about the mistreatment.
For one, if you file for unemployment and they try to fight it, and 2, even an employee at will can sure for wrongful termination.
Alas, the old adage, if it aint in writing, it didn't happen

 

[Angry Ram]

Hopefully you've documented all these occurrences and times you spoke to others about the mistreatment.
For one, if you file for unemployment and they try to fight it, and 2, even an employee at will can sure for wrongful termination.
Alas, the old adage, if it aint in writing, it didn't happen

When you show a whole binder full of the work I've done, and still get fired. Shows what kind of people up top are.

Do yourself a favor.

Send an email to her boss detailing everything. Save screen shots from coworkers but blur the numbers and send them so they can se it's her not you.

I'd even fire a nasty shot like "if you are willing to terminate her or move her out of her current position to a different department I would welcome discussion about coming back to work. As you can see by these screen shots the problem wasn't me".

Drop that bomb.

Not even worth it. They only way I'd come back is if they boost my salary to 6 figures, never being on call, and always working on MY schedule.

Last few days I've been doing nothing but thinking of all the time and progress I put in, in terms of organizing the mess that was and still is there. Oh well, not my fuckin problem anymore.