My mother in law took her life today.

[RamzFanz]

I'm so glad that you're being so open-minded and understanding here. My condolences. It's tough. My grandfather had dementia for a few years up to his death. It's rough.

As much as it hurts, I'm glad you can recognize the inner turmoil she was dealing with and understand her decision. It likely came about as a combination of her not feeling she had the strength to face what was coming and not wanting to be a burden on all of you. She probably made this decision out of love for you all and love for herself.(although, it may not seem that way)

It sounds like you guys had a great and loving relationship. Hold onto that. She's still there with you. She'll always be there with you. My heart goes out to you, my friend!

Your words touched my heart. Thank you.

My friends here at ROD are a special crew. Thank you all for sharing things with me that have helped so much. I mean it with all sincerity. This is my place to go of my own that isn't filtered by family or distance.

 

[RamzFanz]

One of my favorite school teachers committed suicide in her front yard after her retirement. She suffered from acute arthritis throughout her body. It grew worse with each passing year and she eventually had constant pain. After a few years of trying to have something done to ease the pain, with no success she gave up. It shocked us all because we didn't realize how severe her condition had become and several people took offense to her choice. In a few months they all came to understand and accept it. Her daughters were especially disturbed though and it took much longer for them to come to peace with it, as is expected.

I can't say as I blamed my teacher. Her kids were grown and in their late 30s and 40s. She lived alone and didn't have the constant care and support she needed. One of her daughters stopped in each day but she required more care than that. I am sure that her life was a depressing misery.

It is a difficult subject to process with many mixed emotions. In my Brother in laws case he sought out help several times, but because he only found the courage to do so when he was drunk, the hospital would wait until he was sober before having a psychiatrist see him. When he would sober up he would back out. The hospital failed him.

People hide it. My mother in law's husband, a war vet and community pilar, even today at the funeral, stood hunched by her casket, with massive knuckles, shaking every hand firmly. He has terrible arthritis but he'd rather stand there and accept their kindness than explain standing is pain and their handshake was also.

We went to the funeral director, who knew more about our country family than we did, and he already had a stool in hand. He went around the back, placed it in the perfect spot, and then whispered that he was "supposed" to sit there. Tradition as a tool. Dignity intact.

I talked to the director later and he told me out of the blue how he knew my daughter's namesake, who died 10 years before I met my wife, and how his father saw her pass in horse and carriage to her marriage and how she babysat him. I have to say, country people know how to live as a society when you get them past their societal "norms."

When I go to the country I think about what they can't do and don't know and wonder why this is their choice. When I leave, I know why. 40 people showed at our dinner after with food and service, they wouldn't accept a dime, and they all knew my Mother in Law and had a story from decades ago to make us laugh or wonder.

Anyways, a long day.

 

[DaveFan'51]

Severe depression with dementia setting in.

Don't ignore depression. We didn't, she was being treated and it worked for years, but it still wasn't enough when she started losing her world to dementia. However, at least one family member knew she was leaning that way and said nothing. You can't say nothing.

She was much loved, a kind heart, and a very good person.

I have been separated by distance from my own mother for most of my life so she became mom to me. That's all I ever called her. When I needed a lecture, I knew it was coming because it always started with Son.



I don't fault her. She knew what was coming in her life after seeing her mother go through dementia for over a decade in a home, but our family and extended family is devastated. My wife now has no parents both dying in their early 60s.

I found out 30 minutes before my kids came home from school and that discussion will go down as the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Thank god our pastor came in mere minutes to prepare us for the discussion and lead it off as well as help us with a beautiful prayer.


Her husband, a war veteran and solid good man in all ways, had already lost a son to suicide and a wife to natural causes. My heart is broken for this man.


Then, some moron friend of hers announces it, in gruesome and misspelled detail, on facebook, tagging her in the post. Many friends and family learned on facebook. WTF is wrong with people?!

My Deepest sympathies at your Loss!!