My mother in law took her life today.

[Oldgeek]

Sorry for your loss, my prayers are with you and your family.

 

[RamzFanz]

Thank you everyone.

It's a hard day today and your words mean a lot to me.

My wife is so angry. I'm trying to help her understand how bad depression can be as I have it myself, but she just doesn't get it. It's hard to understand if you don't suffer from it. I need her to understand her mom loved her deeply and that these illnesses can be so bad, they can even overwhelm the knowledge of the pain of suicide that is delivered on a family. It's not working. She has a very strong faith and is very active with our church, so I think I'll reach out to them to help her.

I'm just heartbroken for my girls who always looked forward to seeing their memaw on cookie day and Christmas. They loved her so much.

In a sad twist, as if this needed one, my youngest saw my Pastor's car which is very similar to their grand mothers and parked in the spot she always parks, and ran through the front door sure her memaw was up for a visit, her face all lit up with love and excitement. We saw what was happening like it was in slow motion as she ran up to the car, her face lit up, and she bolted for the door.

I was trying to be strong but that just made me sob. Knowing what that child was about to learn after thinking her memaw was here to see her. She's never seen me cry and I stunned her. There was so little time to prepare.

This is the time of year that can be very hard. It gets cold and gets dark earlier. The Holidays can be a source of anxiety and stress. Please check in on the people who suffer and may need a caring word.

 

[VegasRam]

Jesus Brian - so sorry to hear this.
You and yours are in all our thoughts.

 

[A55VA6]

Damn.. terrible to hear. Very sorry for your loss, and my thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[LACHAMP46]

Condolences to you and your family.....thanks for sharing a great message...depression is serious.

 

[ScotsRam]

That's horrendous news, so sorry for you and your family.

Stay strong for your family but please remember to take time for your own grief too. Too often we forget about that while we are so focussed on helping others... You need to go through the grieving process too.

The pain won't ease but in time you'll learn to live with it. You'll look forward to the little moments that remind you of her, and you'll cherish the time spent with loved ones even more. That's about the only positive that can ever come out of grief like this.

I know that we can't really help in a physical way here on ROD, but let us know if we can help in any other way - even if it's just a sounding board for your grief that allows you more strength for your family.

Stay strong. Peace and love to you and your family.

 

[RhodyRams]

Brian,

My wife and I offer our sincere condolences and she has started a prayer line with members of our church to pray for you and your family.

You have my number if you need to talk.

Mike

 

[LesBaker]

Positive vibes to you and I hope everyone heals up quickly.

 

[Juice]

RamzFanz, I have had friends, acquaintances, and family members that lost their battle with depression. I only read this today, but I have been thinking about you and your family, and I will continue to do so for some time.

I can't imagine what type of disease depression can be to make people not even realize the pain they leave in their wake only to end their own suffering. Because of what I have personally witnessed, my heart goes out to those who suffer from depression, and the families, friends, and loved ones who are left behind.

Always speak up if you think you know what others might be considering. In almost all cases, there is an alternative.

 

[IowaRam]

Sorry for the sad news , depression can be a debilitating thing , and almost impossible for most of us to truly understand

Sending prayers your way

 

[mikeyboy]

I'm very sorry for your loss. God bless you.

 

[CodeMonkey]

That is a really hard one. You don't want your loved one to be remembered that way. My condolences to you and family. I have been in your near exact shoes recently. It's a really tough thing to deal with...who do you tell what, etc.

We should chat over a game of billiards sometime. We shoot most every Friday.

 

[Ramhusker]

So sorry this happened in your life Brian. I lost my mom this year to Alzheimer's disease so I know what dementia does to a person. Stay strong to all that are around you because they will look to you to lean on brother. Prayers sent your way.

 

[Rambitious1]

Severe depression with dementia setting in.

Don't ignore depression. We didn't, she was being treated and it worked for years, but it still wasn't enough when she started losing her world to dementia. However, at least one family member knew she was leaning that way and said nothing. You can't say nothing.

She was much loved, a kind heart, and a very good person.

I have been separated by distance from my own mother for most of my life so she became mom to me. That's all I ever called her. When I needed a lecture, I knew it was coming because it always started with Son.



I don't fault her. She knew what was coming in her life after seeing her mother go through dementia for over a decade in a home, but our family and extended family is devastated. My wife now has no parents both dying in their early 60s.

I found out 30 minutes before my kids came home from school and that discussion will go down as the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Thank god our pastor came in mere minutes to prepare us for the discussion and lead it off as well as help us with a beautiful prayer.


Her husband, a war veteran and solid good man in all ways, had already lost a son to suicide and a wife to natural causes. My heart is broken for this man.


Then, some moron friend of hers announces it, in gruesome and misspelled detail, on facebook, tagging her in the post. Many friends and family learned on facebook. WTF is wrong with people?!

I am very sorry to hear this.
Praying for you, your wife and all the family.

 

[RamzFanz]

That is a really hard one. You don't want your loved one to be remembered that way. My condolences to you and family. I have been in your near exact shoes recently. It's a really tough thing to deal with...who do you tell what, etc.

We should chat over a game of billiards sometime. We shoot most every Friday.

Thanks Bro, I'll hit you up.

 

[Elmgrovegnome]

That is a difficult thing to process. My brother in law committed suicide also. He shot himself just as my wife's sister entered the room. It was a terrible way for things to go down. Nikki is dealing with PTSD still. She has nightmares often. He was a very nice guy but he was dealing with depression, guilt, low self esteem and schizophrenia. Nobody knew it all until afterwards. We knew about the depression but he was new to the family. It didn't seem like our place to talk to him about it at the time. Now we all wish we had not worried about what was appropriate.

Also, I watched my grandmother live her last ten years with dimentia. Many a time I wished for her time to come. It was very difficult to watch such a vibrant and intelligent woman end up like that. I can't say as I blame your Mother inLaw for her choice.

 

[RAMSinLA]

So sorry to read this. Depression is a powerful thing. We all have it in us and it rears it's ugly head from time to time. Prayers out to you and yours...

 

[RamzFanz]

I can't say as I blame your Mother inLaw for her choice.

Nor do I. It's a choice I would leave to the person. If it were legal and human, perhaps it would be easier than this shock. I know how much she loved us, she showed us all the time, but even her best friend told me tonight she felt betrayed. I wish they could understand how hard that had to be for her to leave us.

 

[Elmgrovegnome]

Nor do I. It's a choice I would leave to the person. If it were legal and human, perhaps it would be easier than this shock. I know how much she loved us, she showed us all the time, but even her best friend told me tonight she felt betrayed. I wish they could understand how hard that had to be for her to leave us.

One of my favorite school teachers committed suicide in her front yard after her retirement. She suffered from acute arthritis throughout her body. It grew worse with each passing year and she eventually had constant pain. After a few years of trying to have something done to ease the pain, with no success she gave up. It shocked us all because we didn't realize how severe her condition had become and several people took offense to her choice. In a few months they all came to understand and accept it. Her daughters were especially disturbed though and it took much longer for them to come to peace with it, as is expected.

I can't say as I blamed my teacher. Her kids were grown and in their late 30s and 40s. She lived alone and didn't have the constant care and support she needed. One of her daughters stopped in each day but she required more care than that. I am sure that her life was a depressing misery.

It is a difficult subject to process with many mixed emotions. In my Brother in laws case he sought out help several times, but because he only found the courage to do so when he was drunk, the hospital would wait until he was sober before having a psychiatrist see him. When he would sober up he would back out. The hospital failed him.

 

[jrry32]

Nor do I. It's a choice I would leave to the person. If it were legal and human, perhaps it would be easier than this shock. I know how much she loved us, she showed us all the time, but even her best friend told me tonight she felt betrayed. I wish they could understand how hard that had to be for her to leave us.

I'm so glad that you're being so open-minded and understanding here. My condolences. It's tough. My grandfather had dementia for a few years up to his death. It's rough.

As much as it hurts, I'm glad you can recognize the inner turmoil she was dealing with and understand her decision. It likely came about as a combination of her not feeling she had the strength to face what was coming and not wanting to be a burden on all of you. She probably made this decision out of love for you all and love for herself.(although, it may not seem that way)

It sounds like you guys had a great and loving relationship. Hold onto that. She's still there with you. She'll always be there with you. My heart goes out to you, my friend!